I would like to request a $5 billion loan under the federal TARP program in order to start a small business building cars that use sustainable fuel sources. I am certain that within five years, I can develop and market a vehicle that uses alternative fuel sources to remove our dependence on foreign oil and provide for a cleaner environment thus meeting the needs of the majority of Americans. Ford is already set to close a plant in St. Paul in 2011 which will provide adequate real estate to meet the needs of this venture.
To ensure the maximum return to taxpayers, I propose that my salary be at least $250,000 with annual bonuses of $1 million. This should be adequate to compensate the taxpayers through income taxes for the zero interest on the loan.
In the event that this venture does not succeed, I can guarantee that I will not file chapter eleven bankruptcy. I would not want to be accused of “union busting”. Instead, I would be willing to present my case before Congress for more funding to help me out of any financial crisis.
If I am unsuccessful in bringing a product to market, I have an alternate plan for the money. It would be used to purchase the former Twin Cities Ammunition Plant which land has remained unused by the federal government and build a federal debtor’s prison where the executives of Bear Sterns, Lehman Brothers, AIG and the big three automakers could be housed at nominal cost. The imprisonment of the latter should prove more than sufficient to make my initial venture a success.
Please let me know your thoughts and when I might expect a check. It is critical that you make a decision quickly without much thought. Failure to make a decision this week has a great potential to cause this entire project to collapse.